


Overjoyed

by pinkhairnoshoes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes-centric, Character Death, Depression, Dimension Travel, F/M, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, Minor Original Character(s), Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Protective Bucky Barnes, Song Lyrics, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 08:53:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18913654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkhairnoshoes/pseuds/pinkhairnoshoes
Summary: If you had lost everything and found out there was a way to have it all it all back, would you do it? No matter the cost? Bucky is faced with this choice after the events of Endgame.----Bucky grabs him and pulls him into his lap, enjoying the niceness of cuddling him. He holds his child until he starts to squirm and want to be let down. Until he hears the shower shutting off, the bathroom door opening, the sound of drawers opening and closing.“I’ve missed you. Let me hold you another minute,” he whispers and Jack stills in his arms.Natasha peeks out the door, watching her husband holding her son. Her husband that died nine months ago on a mission. It couldn’t be real, it couldn’t be him. She had tested him though and observed him down to the location of moles and freckles. It was 100% her husband, James, and oh god she wanted him back home. She shuts the door and wipes the tears in her eyes. Fuck, this wasn’t her. She didn’t feel and she certainly didn’t hurt. Not after what had happened in the Red Room. Nothing was ever going to hurt her worse than that. James made her feel safe and whole without her realizing it.“White Wolf, wake up.”





	Overjoyed

**Author's Note:**

> These summaries are hard to write without spoiling anything. I've opened up my tumblr to spoilers but I'm not sure how A03 is handling them. Are people still keeping them out of summaries?
> 
> Please visit my tumblr: [pinkhairnoshoes](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/pinkhairnoshoes)
> 
> This is a song fic. The lyrics are in italics. I was on vacation last week and it came on while listening to Amazon music. The lyrics can be from Bucky's POV or Natasha. It's up to you to interpret it. There's no right way. The song is Overjoyed by Matchbox Twenty.
> 
> I was really sad after Natasha's death in Endgame and I wanted to write something.

 

_Feeling my hands start shaking_  
_Hearing your voice I'm overjoyed_

Bucky stands at his sliding door of his condo, watching the traffic rush down the street just outside. The sun shines in reflecting off his metal arm. The place felt too big, so empty without her in it. For years he had lived alone, he was frustrated with himself for feeling lonely. She never came back. The team had returned from time traveling and collecting the Infinity Stones from the past. They were all overjoyed looking around the room, seeing they had completed their mission. One realized, and then the next down the row; Natasha had not made it back.

Steve had explained it to him after they had saved the world. He hadn’t asked at first but he couldn't get it off his mind. He and Natasha had started dating before the Snap. They had bought this place and made it theirs. Two lost souls, finally found and settled into a normal home. They thought of raising a family or maybe not. Perhaps they were too messed up for that. It was a dream and he had hoped it had become reality. He asked Steve that day, sitting on the couch behind him, if Natasha had moved on. Steve reached out to hold him hand before telling him what had occurred. Bucky had felt cold all over and his mind couldn’t process the words. They held no meaning for him.

He crumbles into Steve, resting his head on his shoulder as he just sobs. The words were starting to make it through his brain and set in. Natasha was gone. There would be no family, no white-picket fence, no big house in the suburbs. Steve, bless him, had stayed as long as he could to make sure Bucky was okay. Eventually he had to move on and Steve had to return home. It was so goddamn quiet. Nothing filled the emptiness, not the sound of the tv or the radio. His mind was so loud to the point of being deafening. Was she really dead or trapped in some reality by the Soul Stone exchange? He wonder why she had sacrificed herself.

_I'm sorry but I have no choice, you're only getting better_  
_Maybe you have your reasons_  
_Maybe you're scared, you're feeling down_  
_Are you crying when there's no one around?_

_Oh then maybe, maybe if you hold me baby_  
_Let me come over I would tell you secrets nobody knows_  
_I can not overstate it, I will be overjoyed_

******

“The zebra are escaping!”

Bucky wakes up to the strange exclamation. Everything is unfamiliar yet so familiar. He hears the words coming out of his mouth as his mind is trying to catch up.

“What baby Jack?” The words roll off his tongue so naturally.

Who’s Jack? It takes him a minute and when he clicks in, he questions how he didn’t know immediately. It was his son looking so much like him with black hair and blue eyes. He’s beautiful and perfect in every way. Bucky just wants to pull him close not let go.

The child launches himself onto the bed and climbs into his father’s lap. He nuzzles into Bucky’s neck, laughing as he’s tickled by the scratchy beard. Bucky smiles and glances down at the bed absentmindedly. His eyes start to water as he sees her. Her red hair sprayed out messily, her face looking uncharacteristically gentle against the white pillowcase. He reaches out to her, pulling the covers down. Her eyes shoot open and she looks murderous until she notices who is there. She smiles and sits up.

“My loves,” she says in Russian.

Natasha leans in and kisses him full on the lips. His mind explodes. He had missed this.

_That smile on your face like a summer_  
_The way that your hand keeps touching mine_  
_Let me be the one to make it right_

_And maybe, maybe let me hold you baby_  
_Let me come over I would tell you secrets nobody knows_  
_I can not overstate it, I will be overjoyed_

Bucky can barely restrain himself, his hands are roaming all over body, up her nightdress to her breasts when she tells him to stop. He does immediately, holding himself up on his elbows just smiling taking in her beauty.

“Jack is going to need his diaper changed and there’s no way he’s giving us alone time for this.”

Bucky kisses her one more time, before grabbing his son, whose diaper is in fact full, and carrying him to his bedroom. It’s a small place and he guesses right the first time. The walls are a soft blue and all the furniture is white and clean looking. He places his son gently on the changing pad and starts to gather the things he’ll need. It’s another thing that seems to come naturally even though he has no memory of changing one.

Jack is eager to run as soon as Bucky sets him down. Natasha is leaning in the doorway, a sweatshirt pulled on over her pajamas. She was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

“Will you watch him so I can shower? I’ve only managed to shave one leg all week.”

Jack is sitting on a plush rug, playing with blocks. Bucky wonders how old the child is. He kneels on the ground in front of him. “Hey there, buddy.”

“Daddy!”

A smile breaks across his face and he leans in to kiss his forehead.

“How old are you?”

The boy looks down confused before looking up at holding up 7 fingers. “I’m 600 years old.”

“Oh Jesus. That old? How old is Mommy?”

He shrugs. “10?”

“And Daddy?”

“9?”

Bucky grabs him and pulls him into his lap, enjoying the niceness of cuddling him. He holds his child until he starts to squirm and wants to be let down. Until he hears the shower shutting off, the bathroom door opening, the sound of drawers opening and closing.

“I’ve missed you. Let me hold you another minute,” he whispers and Jack stills in his arms.

Natasha peeks out the door, watching her husband holding her son. Her husband that died nine months ago on a mission. It couldn’t be real, it couldn’t be him. She had tested him though and observed him down to the location of moles and freckles. It was 100% her husband, James, and oh god she wanted him back home. She shuts the door and wipes the tears in her eyes. Fuck, this wasn’t her. She didn’t feel and she certainly didn’t hurt. Not after what had happened in the Red Room. Nothing was ever going to hurt her worse than that. James made her feel safe and whole without her realizing it.

 

“White Wolf, wake up.”

The words repeat in his head and he fights it but he can’t. The real world comes into focus as the desired world fades away. He’s in an outdoor shack lying on a soft bed of leaves. He’s in Wakanda visiting a Shaman for his therapy.

The woman speak again. “White Wolf, wake up.”

He sits up and holds his head in his hands.

“I can’t. I can’t do this anymore. How does this help? Showing me what I can never have?”

She starts to collect her herbs and his tea cup, cleaning up the space. “Do not take that tone with me,” she says in her heavily accented English.

“Sorry,” he breathes out. “I appreciate it, I really do.”

“It’s a world. It exists.”

“What?”

“I could make it permanent. There’s a price of course.”

“I have a son there. I want to be his dad. I want to raise him,” he says his throat starting to feel constricted when he thinks about how it could be taken away.

The shaman is handing him a small handwritten list before leading him out of the yurt. The sun is bright and hot as they exit, Bucky raises his hand to shield his eyes.

“Think on it,” she says squeezing his shoulder before turning and returning inside.

He would stay here for a day or two before making the trip back to New York. Back in his room he looks over the list. It was different from what she normally gave him.

*****

He returns back to the city and back to his life. Helping Sam run meetings at the VA, volunteering at the children’s hospital. He had a job now, outside of the Avengers and that life. He drove a taxi in New York. He did a Russian accent, the tourists liked that. He could remember the years of only speaking Russian. He could remember the home he shared with Natasha where they rarely spoke English.

The days pass by feeling empty and lackluster, impossible to tell one day from the next. Each night he would stare at the list on the fridge. It was next to a picture of him and Natasha, taken by Steve at a picnic event. The sun capturing the red of Natasha’s hair making it look copper in the sun. He couldn’t bring himself to put her pictures away. Some days they really hurt and others they brought a strange comfort. He didn’t know the path forward without her.

Dating would be difficult, finding someone that could accept his troubled past. He was the Winter Soldier trained to be a deadly assassin. For over seventy years he completed missions without a thought or emotion. Hundreds of times they erased his memory and took the things most precious from him. Memories of his parents and his younger sister Rebecca. Steve had helped him piece the things back together but it would never be the same. There would always be things he would never recover.

Steve wasn’t the same after he came back from returning the Stones. He had stayed longer with Peggy or maybe someone else. He wouldn’t tell them but he was looking his true age now. Bucky knew he wouldn’t have him around for that much longer. Just as Peggy had, he would pass away. The people he could count on grew less and less. All his thoughts the past week had led back to what the Shaman had said. He could have it all, just slip through and be in the other universe.

The universe where Bucky had a wife and child. One where Steve and Tony had married each other and adopted two small children. One of the children the boy who would become Spider-Man. One where Thanos had never come to be and the Avengers were still together. This whole split between Steve and Tony had never happened. Of course they had fought over the Accords but it never got that bad. Steve hadn’t kept secrets from Tony and those secrets never rolled into bigger problems.

Bucky was sure the universe still had its problem but Natasha and Steve would be there and that had to be enough. So he placed a phone call and had a payment wired over to the Shaman so her assistant could start collecting the ingredients. He would have to start closing things off here. He didn’t know if he could pack a bag or if he just went with what was on his body.

******

Bucky wakes up in the relaxing sea salt blue room, under a fluffy white comforter. He was warm so he kicks the covers off of him. He didn’t quite get why he always ended up in the bed. He was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt. His shoes sitting nicely by the bed. He looks out the window and observes that it is late afternoon. He hears the television from the other room and assumes it’s a cartoon.

Bucky takes a deep breath before opening the door, the last thing he wanted to do with startle Natasha.

“Natalia?” he says coming through the door into the living-room.

Jack jumps off the couch and runs straight into his legs wrapping his arms around tightly. “Daddy! Daddy’s home!”

There’s a young girl sitting on the couch who stands up suddenly before staring at his fearfully. He knew the metal arm and wild hair could be off-putting. He picks up his son, who immediately nuzzles into his neck.

“Nat didn’t mention you would be home.”

He adjusts Jack in his metal arm and holds out his other hand for her to shake. She looks at him uncertain before taking it.

“I’m Bucky. I’ve been out of the country for work,” he explains because it wasn’t that far from the truth.

“I’m Madison. I live in the building. Usually watch your kid. Do you need me to stay since you’re, like, home?”

“No, but I’ll pay you for the whole night. What do I owe you?” Bucky asks realizing he has no idea how much a babysitter charges.

She tells him what a sounds like a reasonable amount and he excuses himself to get his wallet. He finds it on the nightstand and he hopes money is the same here. It’s an alternative universe so it was a possibility.

The girl takes the money and leaves the house. It’s late once Natasha returns. He’s managed to bathe his son and put him to bed. Not on his own though. Last time he was here, he had picked up a pay as you go phone. He had to call Steve and be talked through everything. He thought Steve would give him a hard time and tease him but he was only helpful.

Although, when Bucky had moved on to asking where Natasha was tonight Steve had little information to share. He didn’t know if she was working or out with friends. It seemed suspicious because he knew how close the two were. His best friend knew something and he wasn’t sharing. He couldn’t press any further because Steve had to get off the phone. He was busy trying to get two teenagers to finish their homework and get to bed.

He hears voices outside the door, his wife laughing and a man’s voice. His ears tune into it even more as he leans forward in his chair. He can hear them kissing and he knows why Steve wouldn’t tell him. Natasha had moved on and she was on a date. He couldn’t blame her, he was dead in this realm, and he didn’t tell her he was coming back to stay.

He pulls the door open and Natasha springs into action shoving her date out of the way and pulling a knife out of her boot. Believe or not, he had surprised her like this before and ended up stabbed. He’s ahead of her this time and pulls the knife from her hand. He holds his hands up defensively and smiles goofily at her. “It’s just me, your husband.”

Natasha punches him in the stomach. “You fucking bastard. You can’t just show up whenever you want.”

“Who’s the boy toy?” he asks pointing towards the man with his knife.

The look on Natasha’s face is hilarious and he would laugh but he didn’t want to end up poisoned later.

“Am I going to be murdered?” The man asks looking between the two.

Bucky does laugh this time, loudly and from the belly.

“Shut-up you idiot,” Natasha says shoving Bucky inside.

He sees the man heading quickly down the hall before he shuts the door.

“Do you think he’ll go on a second date?” Bucky asks before laughing.

“You’re not as funny as you think you are,” she says annoyed, dropping her things on a chair before heading towards her son’s room. Bucky grabs her arm and pulls her close. Encasing her in his arms and kissing her full lips.

_And if you want, we'll share this life_  
_Anytime you need a friend, I'm gonna be by your side_  
_When nobody understands you, well I do_

“I’m not leaving again,” he whispers against her lips, before kissing down her neck and across her collarbone. His hand pulling down her silky top and freeing a breast. Her fingers are running through his hair as his tongue teases at her pink nipple making it erect. His hands are finding the zipper of her dress. It falls into a pile around her feet. He’s kissing down her stomach, his hands sliding down her black lace underwear to pool around her ankles. Her back hits the wall and she’s spreading her legs and running her hands through his hair as his tongue makes contact.

_So maybe maybe, let me hold you baby_  
_Let me come over I would tell you secrets God only knows_  
_I can not over state it, I will be overjoyed_  
_Baby let me come over I would tell you secrets nobody knows_  
_I can not over state it, I will be overjoyed_  
_Yeah I will be overjoyed,_  
_Oh I will be overjoyed!_

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
> Feedback
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
> 

> 
> This author sees and appreciates all comments, but may not reply.
> 
> Note: If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (sometimes I feel shy when I’m reading and not up to starting a conversation, for example), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!


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